This will be my last post of 2018. It has been a growing year for M and I. We’ve had a lot of changes and challenges in regards to careers and TTC. But it has refocused and narrowed in our desires. What do we truly want from life? How do our individual goals a line with our partnership goals? Where and how can we grow individually and together? I’m not sure we have all those questions answered yet but it’s something we work towards and reflect on especially at the end of the year.

First and foremost I want to say just how truly appreciative I am for everything good in our lives. There are miracles all around us if we look. We have each other and I was reminded once again throughout this year how much of a gift that is and the fact that life is fragile and brief. We have days we struggle, really struggle but he’s still here for me and I’m still there for him. I am so so grateful to have healthy happy nieces and nephews in my life. I’ve spent part of this past year in the NICU and it makes you realize what is truly important in life and also how there is always hope. The NICU is actually a really positive beautiful place and the people who work there are amazing. I can’t wait to find out how 2019 will bring new ways for me to find joy in life because it’s here if we look for it.

My current cycle is playing games with me as usual. I missed one night with my sensor and possible that could have been the night I ovulated *insert cry laughing face emoji here* haha that’s the only way to look at things, laugh or you’ll cry right? But it’s also possible that depending on what that missing day would have been that I didn’t ovulate. But I prefer to think I’m in my two week wait period, it feels more exciting and magical because it means I would have ovulated on Christmas Eve. While I feel pretty good about things overall (even if I did ovulate and don’t fall pregnant I’m sure our January meal plan will quickly even out my hormones and cycle) it doesn’t mean I’m not still crazy haha. I think I can officially cross of that last thing on the list of the crazy things women who are trying to conceive do and that is: get a baby psychic reading. I happen to come across a post on the OvuSense page on someone who had just had one done by this lady on Facebook and the reviews were great, so many “accurate” readings. Well it was late at night and as we all know it’s not the best time for great decisions but it was only $25 so no big harm. So after reading all these great reviews and seeing all these texts from women whose predictions came true I was super excited. Of course it was after I paid for the reading that I found a math whiz review who figured out that the way the reading is set up there is an almost 70% of her being accurate on a total random guess that anyone could do. But oh well it was all for fun anyway. She predicted a baby boy sometime between October-January with Nov/Dec being more significant. Who knows but it was fun to distract myself while it lasted and it’s certainly not something to flip out about and give up on the rest of the months of the year.

As I sit here and snuggle my cats and dogs and remind myself in all the ways that I am incredibly blessed I can’t complain about my life. If I am meant to carry a child I trust that the miracle will happen when it’s supposed to. I will continue to try to put in even more effort on my part with a hormone balancing diet and other healthful things but truly I trust that the universe/God/the creator/whatever has got nothing but more amazing gifts in store for me if only I am willing to look for them.



Boy, 2018 has been a tough year for me blog wise. I feel like I’ve barely written anything especially in the last half of the year. It is so hard to find time lately to set aside for writing/thinking/editing/posting. We have accepted a new Family Support match into our home (the part time foster parent role through PATH ND). We now have a child in our home every Tuesday and Wednesday and one weekend a month. We have also taken in a new 7 month old foster puppy named Hex. He is a all puppy even though he’s taller than Jackson šŸ™‚ M and I have also decided to take on starting a side business in electronic recycling. I understand now why adults dream of vacations of doing nothing, going nowhere, and talking to no one sounds pretty dang appealing these days. But also when you have family and friends spread from one side of the country to the other that’s not really an option haha. We have plans for an Arizonan vacation in January and a Virginia trip in March as well as a wedding in Colorado next summer. I have a feeling my 30’s are going to fly by and that spooks me a little bit. As much as I try to slow our lives down it’s kind of an unstoppable force. What if I can’t get pregnant soon enough? I feel like time is running out.

I cam across an app today called premom. That wording just blew me away. It made me feel like yeah I’m going to be a mom I’m just a pre-mom right now. It totally refocused me and made me feel like things were possible. It just felt like such a positive connotation that for whatever reason really clicked in with me.

I’ve just finished my period after waiting on the whole Provera thing. I hope it was worth it because I cut my body’s chance at ovulation to hopefully speed it up for the next cycle like it did last time. Last time after taking Provera I ovulated on day 18. It’s possible it was just a coincidence so we will see how the next few weeks go. Tonight will be night one with OvuSense cycle 9. I’ve started taking CoQ10 so we will see if that makes any difference either.

I’ve planned almost all of January’s meals out already and over Christmas break I’m going to batch cook the hell out of my kitchen. I’m going to do three batches of soups, a lentil dahl, a chili, cheeze sauces, gravies, spaghetti sauces so there will be no need to make excuses because of time. All I have to do is heat and eat. I’ve got groceries lists already made too. Everything is done including working in my schedule so I know which nights I have to work or have PATH meetings I know those are going to be hectic nights and I’ve planned meals around type of thing as well. I have never been this prepared but I know it will pay off. I am very thankful I will have time to do all that cooking over break. When I’m really truly eating whole food plant based (i.e. unprocessed foods with zero oils) I see dramatic differences fairly quickly (both with my temps and ovulation and weight loss) so if not planning was getting in my way that’s no longer a thing. Yes, it has taken me a lot of effort to prep every meal for almost a month and to make grocery lists and write down which days I need to go to the store for xyz BUT I think it’s kind of genius. I won’t be stressing about it all now. It’s done and taken care of all I have to do is eat it and that’s not a problem for me haha! I’m also working on a exercise schedule to match it. Keep an eye out on my Instagram page for updates. šŸ™‚

Happy holidays everyone. I hope you have the opportunity to make time for yourselves as much as everyone else. Stay grateful for every blessing you have and let your loved ones know you love them.

New foster puppy Hex šŸ˜

Happy 4 year anniversary to us šŸ¾

We may be pre-mom and dad but we are full blown Auntie and Uncle šŸ„°

Took a painting class with one our foster kiddos šŸŽØ

Holiday light displays at Lindenwood Park in Fargo šŸŽ„


It’s Thanksgiving week! I love Thanksgiving (and not only because I’m a food motivated person lol). I get to play hostess, something I’ve always loved to do. When my older sister would come back home from college I would make her room all fancy and called myself “Hotel Kristina” and cater to all her needs to make her stay more enjoyable. Fifteen years later I’m still doing “Hotel Kristina” just in my own home now. While I enjoy doing it, it is a lot of work. Thankfully I’m very very blessed to have a flexible job and can take a few days off to get things done before my guests come.

I’ll be making my second vegan Thanksgiving meal and I’m pretty excited about that. Since last year I’ve perfected some holiday recipes and nixed the ones that didn’t quite work. My dad is all about the meat and he knows if he wants it he needs to bring it cooked because I don’t like dealing with raw meat (never did even when I was an omni) and mostly because I just don’t have the oven space. So I think the food should be top notch if I do say so myself.

(At the end of this post I put up a list of links to the recipes I will use.)

M and I did some Veterans Day shopping and got a killer deal on a new set of stainless steel pots and pans. This was very exciting for me as I’ve been using my sister’s hand me downs that she got for $30 when she first moved away from home since I got my first apartment. They were old as heck and made from cheap metals and coated with God knows what chemicals. We got this beautiful new set from Bed Bath & Beyond and it has rejuvenated me to cook again. I’ve made a lot of home-cooked meals again not just the rice and potato “get by” meals I had been doing.

On the fertility side of life I’m waiting to be tortured again and actually looking forward to it. That’s how I know I’ve been in the follicular phase too long: when I’m ready to make myself crazy in the luteal phase. The way I felt last cycle (my super crazy “I KNOW I’m pregnant cycle”) I would have said that I’m done with trying to conceive right now it’s making me crazy, it’s too stressful, I’m just done. Fast forward a bit and I’m over all that part. I learned some big lessons for the next time I’m in the luteal phase, if I ever am in it again! Now I feel like I’m just being toyed with. “It’s looking so good I’m about to ovulate!….just kidding false start….omg it’s happening now look at that rise….nope it dropped back down false alarm….”

Now I have my prescription for Provera on hand and as soon as my temp goes down I’m starting it. I almost started it today but just on the off chance, this is a slow rise ovulation I’m going to hold off. The big temp spike I did learn was from drinking. Usually, my temps take a small dip down when drinking (a few beers) but this was the most party night I’ve had in well over a year so I think that’s why I saw a rise or an inconsistency with the other temps around it. Not sure what caused that massive dip in temp, just PCOS irregularities?

I was also selected to beta test the new OvuSense app. I’ve had it about a week now and here is the screenshot from that version:

I’ll do a review post on this version probably next week sometime. I want to give myself a little more time with it before I declare my opinions on it.

Lastly, I’d like to take the time to verbalize all that I’m thankful for. I think it’s important to keep an attitude of gratitude now and throughout the entire year. It makes for a better quality of life when you can see the good. I’m thankful for a husband who lets me be crazy. One who puts up with me saying “come home NOW it’s ovulation time” just for him to drop important things he’s doing and for me to tell him the next day that actually it wasn’t really ovulation and there was no need for him cut his trip short. A husband who I bicker and argue with a lot because small details are important to me and so not important to him. So when I tell him to get out of bed after he’s been asleep for 10 minutes so that I can fix the sheets and the quilt so that it stays in place overnight he does it even if he thinks I’m bonkers. I’m thankful for my family and friends who have always supported me and continue to do so now. A family that pays for me even when I tell them not to and friends that have my OvuSense chart in their phone because they want to know how I’m doing each day. I’m thankful for our crazy cats and dog who make my heart warm with their silly animal hijinks and cuddle up next to me at night. I am thankful for my job and for being able to make teaching all about the kids for me. As a sub my worries aren’t about standards and tests or administration politics, it’s just about connecting with kids and teaching them. I am thankful for PATH the fostering agency in North Dakota and for the child that has been placed in our home 6 nights a month as part of the Family Support Program. It has made our lives more complete. I’m thankful for having all my basic needs met like shelter, water, and food and for not having to worry about paying for those things day to day. I am thankful for my health and the body that enables me to sing and dance to the Pentatonix Christmas c.d.s. And lastly, I am thankful for the beautiful world around us from the frogs croaking in spring, to the chirps of the crickets in late fall, a warm summer breeze, the spray of the ocean, to the quiet of a snowfall. Earth is a gorgeous planet.

Ok and now for those recipes! (All vegan)

Pecan Pie

(I don’t make the crust just buy frozen vegan store-bought)

Green Bean Casserole

(I don’t make my own fried onion toppings I kick it old school for Thanksgiving and do the processed French’s style store-bought)

Vegan Gravy

(I choose to strain out the onions)

Sweet Potato Casserole

Pumpkin Pie

(I haven’t actually made this recipe yet but looks like I can’t lose with this one. I’ll be sure to update you once I know for sure though.)

Spinach Dip

(Also haven’t made this one yet but again looks like a winner.)

Iā€™m NOT Pregnant

I’ve been quiet on the blog again because I thought I had some exciting news to share and I didn’t want to do it until I got that BFP (big fat positive pregnancy test). As it turns out I’m very much not pregnant. So my last post was me in the middle of figuring my diet out and what the hold up was. I had intended to keep writing more to keep you updated but I woke up the next morning to a spike on my OvuSense chart and after a couple days it confirmed it! I had ovulated the day I wrote my last blog post. That’s the earliest ovulation I had had in a year! I was so excited. My temps were climbing and climbing and I had such weird symptoms that I’ve never had before. (Heavy full feeling uterus for 6 days, nipple tenderness before during and days after ovulation, high temperatures, etc.) At 7 dpo (days post ovulation) I had a temp spike and just knew I was pregnant. I couldn’t write a post during all this time because I didn’t know how to keep it a secret so I just stayed silent. I even had the elusive “implantation dip” on my chart!

The second week of my luteal phase (days 8-14 dpo) were complete and total hellish torture. I was so convinced I was pregnant last Saturday that I actually told my husband I was. He asked, “For real!? You took a test and it was positive!?!” And I had to laugh and say, “silly no it’s too early for it to show on a stick yet, but I just know it.” He looked at me like I was crazy but being the sweet husband he is he went along with it because I wouldn’t be convinced of anything else. He must have sensed that I had gone to the dark side. So Saturday was a great day. I felt wonderful and excited and I couldn’t wait to wake up the next morning and see my temps and take another 3 pregnancy tests (because of course if one is negative it must just be a faulty test…) And that’s when I had a major temp drop. I was in shock and mad as hell too. How did that happen, I was supposed to be pregnant! After googling things furiously I relaxed a bit because in some deep corners of the internet some woman had the same thing happen once and she turned out to be pregnant so take that. But now I was filled with doubt, it was like a poison. Or maybe the hope was the poison? From Sunday to Tuesday I was a total mess. I could not concentrate on anything else but what my body might be doing. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t do anything but literally sit and wait and think (and Google). It was a roller coaster of hope/despair/hope/despair over and over again. I almost went to the labs place in town to get a blood pregnancy test done but ultimately decided against it because if it turned out I actually wasn’t pregnant I didn’t want to find out that way. It seemed too harsh. Then my chart showed another big dip down and it was time to face the music. (For the most part because still 1% of me thought I might still be pregnant because hope is a real bitch to kill). I felt that I was in the middle of a mental breakdown. I had never had such hope and belief in a 2ww (two week wait) as I had this time but then to realize it was all in my head made me crazy.

Today finally and thankfully the torture is over. My period has come. And with it I thought I’d be heartbroken (and in a way I’m sure I am) but actually I feel relief. The guessing is over. Not knowing was so, so much worse than knowing. I know now and I feel at peace. I wouldn’t say I’m hopeful or excited to begin a new cycle but I’m at peace. I cleaned the house and I cooked and I went back to being regular me. I didn’t spend hours in the depths of Google, I didn’t waste $40 on pregnancy tests, I didn’t drive myself insane. I wasn’t as sad as I imagined but I think that’s just because I’ve been so all over the map emotions wise that I’m now at the acceptance stage. It is what it is. It wasn’t meant to be this time around.

Now it’s time to ask myself what did I learn from this experience? Number one: NEVER assume you are pregnant unless the baby is coming out of you šŸ˜‚. Lesson finally learned on that šŸ¤¦ā€ā™€ļø. Number two: never take a pregnancy test NO MATTER HOW TEMPTING IT IS before 14dpo (and wait even longer if you can) even if Becky from the bump forums of 2008 got her bfp at 9dpo….don’t do it!!! Number three: don’t tell your husband you are pregnant until you actually have the test that confirms it. Number four: infertility makes you crazy so cut yourself some slack.

Ugh I tell y’all what a fricken week. But the good news, though none of my fellow neighbors agree, is that we got our first snowfall yesterday. It’s crazy early and I know this fall has been cold and rainy and we haven’t had any decent weather and it probably means an extra extra long winter…I get that. But first snowfalls no matter when they happen are a happy day for me. It’s so pretty and white and calming to me. I actually love it. To be clear this doesn’t mean I want it to keep snowing. In fact I’m hoping it all melts soon and we have some kind of sunny day warm fall weather we still deserve but just for today I am enjoying this wondrous white blanket.

If you’ve been at this fertility journey awhile then you know you’ve gotta laugh when you can even if it’s at your own expense or dark humor. I’m not sure how copyright works so I don’t want to post anything that isn’t mine but Google image search infertility game and you’ll see a little game board all about common things you go through and I found it to be hilariously true. The tag line says: “Infertility: The Game (much more fun that a barrel of monkeys nay, more fun!!! Heartache disappointment and embarrassment all included [baby not included.]) haha anyway I got a big kick out of it because I’ve done most of the things on there and you gotta laugh or you’ll cry isn’t that the saying?

Best wishes to all you lovely people who know what I’ve been talking about on this post. I’ll be back to update again soon and will continue to make good food choices.

Peace ā˜®ļø āœŒšŸ¼


Why do some changes come easy and others are like peeling your skin off inch by excruciating inch. Too much? Sorry. I just don’t get my motivation lately. Or should I say lack thereof? I still find myself avoiding myself, pretending like the realistic part of me doesn’t exist. The one who knows what the “cheese burger” and fries will do to my hormones, health, and weight. But I’ve been ignoring her blindly feigning ignorance as an excuse to fall back into the pleasure trap. Most “foods” these days are designed to be chemically addicting to some degree but knowledge is power and the key to wellness I believe. I have a lot of the knowledge and the science to back it up but I’m doing a piss poor job on execution.

I think what I need again is accountability and that’s where you and this blog come back into play. I’ve also not been writing because I had nothing new to say on my fertility journey. It took a long time from when I stopped temping, started Provera, and then finally got my period. Now my period is over and I’m back to using OvuSense. My temps are also motivating me in the right direction. I hate how they look. The up and down up and down mountains of PCOS are something that only happens to me when my diet is out of balance and oil is being eaten. I used to have beautiful stable hormones and temps because I ate mostly starch solution.

I’m on to my second year of my OvuSense subscription. And I’m on like year three/four of trying to conceive. I was also against me doing a medicated cycle to get pregnant because I wanted to be healthy enough for it to happen naturally. Now I wonder if I were to do a medicated cycle and get pregnant I could work on being healthy then, but that feels backwards to me. But also maybe I want a child more than I want to be healthy?? But that is selfish I think, what kind of good example and parent will I be if I don’t put my own health first?

I think that is part of my problem…overthinking. I’ve always always been a thinker not a doer. Then I get overwhelmed. And when I get overwhelmed I freeze. If I have too many chores or things to do before a certain time I end up doing nothing for hours first to mentally prep myself for the arduous task of doing it. I was the same way in college; if I had a big paper to complete in a week I’d worry all week about how it will suck to do this big paper and then I’d do the entire paper the night before it was due and of course it sucked. If I were to start on the tasks immediately I’d have more time to do it! But try as I may I don’t work that way. I think I’ve been thinking big picture stuff too much lately. I need to aim for day to day, meal to meal type of scenarios. Something that is easier to accomplish. After all isn’t there a quote about big changes are made by doing a million little changes first?

Ok let’s start with that. For today only I will work on not eating anything deep fried or ultra processed. Let’s worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. This is my goal. It’s something small and attainable. I can do this goal today.

I will check back in tomorrow either with another blog post or an instagram post telling y’all how it went and what my goal is for Thursday.

Lastly, I just want to say thanks for sticking with me and rooting for me and just plain being here for me as I do this. Together we’re better šŸ˜Š.

A picture of Wink to brighten your day with his new haircut changes ā¤ļø


I have been busy that is true as to why I haven’t written a post in almost two months! But there is truthfully the driving factor of avoidance that is here too. I didn’t want to write a post. I didn’t want to have to fess up and say I’ve been living like pre 2016 me; that is to say living like I don’t know better. The mind is a masterful thing. To turn a blind eye to your own habits, to pretend like it isn’t happening, to convince yourself it’s fine…epically masterful.

I’ve been eating whatever I wanted to. Vegan wise of course. I’m sure I’ll be vegan the rest of my life. Heath wise, a vegan incredibly processed, and fatty hotdog or hamburger isn’t much better than a regular one. Same as the vegan Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos isn’t any healthier than the Nacho Cheese Doritos. And vegan ranch dressing is just as fat filled and processed as regular. So why do I bother sticking to vegan junk? The environmental impacts are what motivate me. I love being outside. I love exploring uncivilized natural places, it’s what brings me peace and balance in my life. So for me I want to do my share in keeping the planet healthy and that is the single biggest thing any one person can do to promote a healthy planet. So that is why I remain vegan among other reasons. The point is that I wanted to clarify that vegan junk food is still junk food. Junk food = junk food.

My confession then is that’s what I’ve been eating. Mindlessly. With no thought to my health, body, wallet, reproduction….truly mindlessly. I convinced myself to look the other way and apparently duct taped my consciousness’s mouth so she couldn’t nag at me.

The biggest reason I think this happened was my utter frustration and obsession with my temping and reproductive setbacks. M’s super crazy work schedule was the second thing that led to my justification for all those poor food choices. But it started with my negative pcos thinking. I slipped into that pcos cycle: my body isn’t working the way it’s supposed to, that makes me sad and frustrated and upset, which leads me to not care about my body, which leads me to eat junk, which leads to worse pcos symptoms and repeats.

M and I have decided to work around this. My dilemma was I needed to stop obsessing and being let down daily by my temps and long cycles but I still wanted and needed that information that OvuSense could provide me. So we figured out that I would still use OvuSense every night but that I would give it to him on his phone to download that day’s temps. He would use a a new password so that I couldn’t login to it and that way we’d still have the data to look back on but it would no longer be the huge obsession of my day. I will have the chance to focus on the rest of my life again. I can focus on food choices and everything else. I can have a chance to think positively because I won’t know what my temps are doing. If I’m in a good mood I can focus more easily on healthy eating.

To be clear this is not an OvuSense issue this is a me issue. I like knowing what my body is up to and for a long time it was powerful to have that information. I still want that information as it’s invaluable however, I can’t have the day by day replay of it for right now. Perhaps in the fall I can do that again without it controlling me. So what about conception? We will do an every couple day bd schedule and if we get lucky that’s great. But I think I need to have my brain focus on health which will only benefit me long term for both me and a baby if I’m lucky.

Lastly, I will be continuing to take a break (as far as current me can see) on my blog. It takes me a long time to make each post and I just want to take a break from as many “responsibilities” that I can right now. I plan to be back writing much more regularly at the end of August. However now that I’ve said that to you all I’m sure as most things go in my life that it’ll be the complete opposite and I’ll just be bursting with thoughts to pour on the screen. šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø So I guess we’ll all be surprised. I could probably update KKA’s instagram account easily though so look for those! Happy healthy rest of summer to you all!

Backwards Slide

Ughhh! Or perhaps its more of an arrrgghh! All I know is that I was tested and I failed. Miserably. Ok let’s back up here and talk about what went down. So my last post was all about coming up on our two week full McDougall and mostly maximum weight loss McDougall to boot. We were feeling good, losing weight, and had very few cravings. We were on track and on target and I felt no desire to veer off path. I even had intentions of staying if not mwl then at least regular McDougall on my upcoming family meet up in Minneapolis.

The day after our two week mark I got horribly ill. It was probably one of the worst colds I’ve ever had. But my temperature took a beautiful steep jump up on OvuSense! We had our bases covered so I was really hoping that despite all the sickness this was our month, especially because my temp had never jumped that high before. The first night I was sick M cooked McDougall at home for us. It wasn’t mwl but it was still whole food plant based. The next day I was so unbelievably miserable but I did’t want to take any cold medicine in case it interfered with my ovulation which I thought was happening right then. My head was so congested that my eyeballs hurt and would water with a throbbing face all over. In a desperate attempt to try natural remedies including nasal rinsing, hot water cloths on my face, and a steam shower I decided we could break McDougall to order some of the super spicy Thai food (vegan) to try and get some movement in my nasal passages. M brought it home and unfortunately it didn’t help much at all just made my lips burn. For supper he was hungry and had been busy and we were now out of groceries. At that point I didn’t care about anything so I said pick something up from a restaurant or get a veggie sandwich from Panera I don’t care. That same attitude carried over to Sunday. “Get what you want, I’m too sick to care.” That day my temp soared even higher and I thought well it’s either a fever or I’m pregnant. I decided I had to take medicine as I couldn’t even sleep at night. Thankfully the medicine helped give me enough relief to sleep a couple of hours at a time. The next day my temp plummeted but it was still above my cover line and OvuSense confirmed ovulation! I was thinking it was possibly an implantation dip. I was still thinking this was all good news. The next night I was able to sleep almost the whole night comfortably. The next morning my temperature took another major fall and then I knew that those spikes were not from pregnancy or ovulation. Even though I didn’t have a basal body fever my core temp had risen to help fight off the cold. This was frustrating and sad for me and I honestly didn’t care what we ate for food. I was still unwell enough to not want to leave the house for a big grocery shopping run and M was too busy with work so it was more take out orders.

Well wouldn’t you know that my temperature rose a little bit the next day. I didn’t think too much of it as I was more worried about getting OvuSense support to delete the false ovulation from when I was sick so that it could still pick up ovulation for cycle 5. I ended up starting a new cycle even though I didn’t’ have my period but I wanted to make sure I could get an ovulation confirmation that wasn’t a false positive. The next day my temp rose again and now I realized that I had just ovulated the day before! So we missed all those fertile days because I was sick. I was so upset. Now I was feeling better physically but let my emotions dictate what we put in our mouths. Popcorn for snack every night…who cares? I don’t want to grocery shop or cook, fine by me. I was having a a pretty big pity party for myself. Ovulation then was predicted in cycle 6 but at this point support was able to move some things back to cycle 5 and delete cycle 6. I ended up losing a large chunk of data points so it was basically a hacked out cycle.

I did still have all my temps logged into Fertility Friend. Even after discarding my “fever” temps on Fertility Friend it still kept saying I ovulated before those spikes. Well that was exciting maybe I did ovulate just before getting sick!? Realistically I knew that there was a very slim chance it was correct but, as I had missed all chances of catching the egg if I ovulated now, I wanted to believe, no matter how small a chance, that the dip really was implantation. Then my body gave me even more pregnancy clues. My nipples became very tender. This has happened before a week or so before my period but it maybe only happens once a year. It is not a typical pms for me. Holy buckets maybe I actually am pregnant! Once again I was incapable of concentrating on anything at all. Every moment was spent obsessing over temps and trying to decide if these clues meant anything important. I peed on a pregnancy test every morning squinting and turning and digging through the trash after old ones past the time limit to see if anything appeared later. It was full on ttc crazy mode.

Nasty trickery of my body, can you see why I convinced myself it was implantation?

Last Friday I was starting to realize if I had ovulated when Fertility Friend guessed I had that I would have tested at the very least a faint positive by now. I had ovulated the day after I was sick I was sure now.

I was able to go enjoy a mother daughters weekend in Minneapolis. This morning I woke up to aunt flow. It’s over now. I have made peace with the craziness of cycle 5 and let it all go. I’m sad that between the sickness, the screwy temps, and M being very busy at work all got between us and a healthy diet that we had worked so hard on. Now we have to start back at square one and avoiding those first couple days of cravings for junk. But we both want to get back to where we had been so we are feeling capable and willing. I bought some groceries last night and I’m cleaning out the refrigerator and prepping the house for fresh food. A clean house and clean food just make the body and mind feel fresh and ready don’t you think?

The silver lining you ask? Ovasitol and the mwl diet cut my ovulation time in HALF this cycle! I wonder what we will get with this cycle? I think I should have some back up plans ready for when I start to spiral and obsess on what my body is doing. I will think on that and get back to you and write it all down so we can hold me accountable. šŸ™‚ I also had a couple drinks with my mom and sisters this past weekend because I knew at that point my period was coming any day so that was another silver lining.


I also want to take the opportunity to wish everyone a happy mother’s day. Especially those mothers of children that are no longer with us. What a sorrow filled journey you must be on at times. You should be honored too for having the hardest mother job of all. We see you, appreciate you, and think of you on this special day as well.

Here are some pictures that show what’s been going on since I wrote last. Enjoy and I’ll update you again very soon!

The meal M made for me when I was sick that first night. It was delicious!

We fostered this amazing sweetheart puppy for a weekend. Yes it’s possible to fall in love after only a couple of days. I cried so hard bringing her back. Due to a few reasons we are not able to foster this baby girl long term so if you live in MN or a surrounding area go adopt her! šŸ™‚ She was also a good distraction from my ttc drama and I thank her for that.

I told M I loved this caution cone Snapchat filter because it perfectly matched my mood of, “back away from me, I’m busy being a hot emotional mess.” šŸ˜‚šŸ‘ŒšŸ¼

I had a great time hanging out with my momma this weekend, lots of laughs, shopping, and fun.We took a dinner cruise ride around lake Minnetonka as part of our Mother’s Day weekend. It was fun if only the weather had been a little warmer šŸ™‚Ā 

All our lives people have mistaken me for my younger sister and vice versa but I just don’t see it….

My family wanted to have Mother’s Day brunch at Country Kitchen and surprisingly I was able to piece together a tasty meal for myself as well!Ā 

The sunset from the boat: perfect.