Oh my goodness I have barely had a moments peace lately. I haven’t had a summer job for the past few summers because of M’s scuba diving school, moving into a new home, and wedding planning so I’m a little out of practice. Also, what I thought was going to be a no stress job actually does have stress but I think that’s more my personality type rather than the job description but who knows. I spend my evenings worrying about my kiddos and trying to plan activities that are authentic and engaging. The management style is not quite to my liking either I prefer to be way more organized. I still really enjoy what I am doing just didn’t expect for work to come home with me as much as it has and also how tired I am after work. The kids aren’t the only ones in the hot sun playing and running. On top of that M is in the middle of switching jobs and interviews and quitting and he needs a lot of help prepping for questions and shopping for outfits, and just the general talking through of his hopes and desires for our future and which position to take. We’ve also been on the road for summer trips with our nieces and graduation parties out of town. Last on my stress radar is our pets and the amount of money we are spending on them. We also added a new member to the family last night. We have a new cat named Wink (he only has one eye…get it?). The process of introducing Wink to Snickers is long and arduous but I really hope it pays off in the long run and they become the best of friends.
We have not done a good job of eating whole foods plant based. We maintain a vegan lifestyle and continue to explore what’s available to us in that aspect. I haven’t cooked in many many days. We had a big trip planned for our birthday next weekend but we are both so overwhelmed with all the balls in the air we canceled it and are staying home to recharge and slow down. I will miss seeing my family and friends for my birthday and being alone on your bday is no fun. But maybe I’ll just go downtown and drink my stress and misery away since it’s my last 20’s bday haha.
The one thing I have been pretty good at is walking Jackson every day. For one thing he needs it for his therapy and healing and for another it’s a little bit of time to just quiet the chaos of life.
We’ve been on the go a lot lately and have a lot of changes taking place right now so I haven’t had much time or energy to write a new post. But I wanted to make sure and get an update in with this long weekend.
M and I decided to go camping this weekend and we wanted to check off another state park from our list and there weren’t many that had any open campsites except for ones way up north. So we decided to go to Hayes Lake State Park Friday through Monday. I had been preparing for weeks on what to bring for vegan camping foods. Camping foods used to be lots of eggs, bacon, burgers, hobo dinners, hotdogs, popcorn, and corn on the cob. I was really worried we (especially M) would miss these camping staples and would slightly sour our trip. However, I didn’t have to worry about because I came prepared and we had fabulous food all weekend. Birthed of us had any long lost yearnings because we were full and satisfied with what I brought. Now keep in mind on the healthy scale it’s no where near the McDougall plan but it also wasn’t bacon. We think camping is a time to enjoy life and enjoy treat foods.
We arrived at the park around 5:30 and as M went to check us in I rolled down the windows to take in the sounds and smell of the forest. I had the windows open for less than a full minute before the car was filled with no less than 40 mosquitoes. I immediately rolled the windows back up and starting slapping them away. Suddenly camping seemed like a terrible idea and we were now 3 hours from home. As we drove from the park office the ranger made sure to tell us, “hope you brought mosquito spray!” Yeesh.
We pull into our campsite, get out to look around, and decide the best placement for the tent. There were so many mosquitoes!! We quickly did a very light spritz of mosquito spray because we had smelling like big spray nearly as much as we hate getting bitten. As we started to unpack and settle in though we noticed we weren’t really being bitten. They were all over our bodies and in the air but for whatever reason didn’t seem to be bitting. We were able to set up camp including a rain tarp over the picnic table in no time. M did find two ticks on him in the time it took to set up and I was worried we’d be crawling with them by the end of the weekend but despite the early warning signs right off they were much like the mosquitoes and left us alone for the most part.
We decided to take a break and make a fire and heat up supper. I had made tun-no casserole that morning to reheat on the fire. It was the recipe from Forks Over Knives but I added crushed potato chips on top 😬 but for the record I did that with the original tuna version too…I like crunchy things. It was very very good if I do say so myself. I will be making it again sometime but hopefully I can find something to replace the chips that is a better option.
Next, we decided to take a driving tour around the park. We ended up down a long bumpy quiet gravel road near a secluded cabin and we were about to get out and walk around when we saw a black bear amble by! We took a video of it and when I turned it off then a brown bear walked by too! It was pretty exciting but suddenly I was no longer jealous of the campers staying in the private cabin on their own lake, (I’d be too nervous to go to the bathroom at night haha).
That night around the fire we made vegan s’mores from cinnamon graham crackers, dark chocolate, and vegan marshmallows (side note, I’m so thankful we have a Natural Grocers in town to be able to find items like this). They were super delicious!
Saturday morning was beautiful and we started the day with a walk around the lake and bog.
Then we headed back to camp for a pancake breakfast. We had Arrowhead Mills Multi-grain pancake mix with bananas and pure maple syrup. After our meal we did th dishes, played cards, and decided a late morning nap would be perfect. We left Jackson outside the tent on his long line happily soaking up the sun and smells. After our rest I get up to find Jackson tangled in the woods laying in some tall grass. A half hour later we found big red dots on his belly and groin. Thankfully this has happened to him once before so I didn’t panic quite as much as I did the first time. But we needed some Benadryl which of course we didn’t have and the nearest town was almost an hour away. We had originally planned to head up that way the next day to visit another state park nearby so we just decided to go then and on the way stop for meds.
After getting Jackson on the path to wellness again we made it to Zippel Bay State Park. This park had a beautiful beach and we were there just as the sun peaked through the clouds. We had a great time splashing in the shore and skipping rocks.
When we got back to camp we started making supper which I was a little nervous about. Hobo dinner is my husband’s meal. This one of about three meals that he preps and cooks and loves. Usually it’s made with sliced potatoes, ground beef, onion, butter, and shredded cheese. M bought some ground veggie “meat” in place of the beef for his and since I’m not a huge meat fan to begin with I just skipped it. We had potatoes, carrots, onion, and mushroom as the base. Then we each seasoned it to our liking and sprinkled (because a little goes a long way) a bit of Mexican style Daiya on top. We did use some vegan butter as well so that it wouldn’t stick to the foil packet. Then we tossed them on the grill and hoped for the best. The result was really really good! I was actually surprised at how well the turned out. I can’t wait to have them again. I made some corn on the cob as a side which pair s nicely too.
The next day we woke up to nice weather but rain fast approaching. We decided to pack up and go home a day early. We were having a great time but I did not feel like packing up in the rain the next day, then going home and setting everything back up just to dry out again before packing it all away a second time. We just don’t have that kind of time this week. For that reason and a few others we decided to leave early but in exchange would take our time getting home and visit the remaining three state parks in the Northwest corner of MN. We are a quick breakfast of Panda Puffs cereal with almond milk and got going.
First on the list was Lake Bronson State Park. This park was a bit more modern with paved roads and bike trails. They also had a fun observation tower and a dam in the park.
We did a bit more walking and driving around before heading to Old Mill State Park. This park had an old flour mill and home to see as well as some fun bridges and a beautiful picnic area. We stopped to have lunch and play a round of cards before moving on.
Lunch was soy dogs and brats with corn on the cob and homemade vegan potato salad. The soy dogs are ok, we need to try another brand before making our final verdict on them. The potato salad instantly became M’s favorite of all time. It has a lot of dill in it which he really appreciates.
Finally we swung through Red River State Recreation area in East Grand Forks. There isn’t much to do here except camp so it was a quick stop just to be able to cross it off the list.
We are back home now and just getting ready for the week ahead. I start my new summer job this week and M is in the process of switching jobs as well. I just wanted to sum up by saying that if you are open to changes and you plan ahead vegan camping is just as enjoyable as non-vegan camping. And as we took in so much natural beauty over the weekend I was grateful to have learned and taken action in helping to preserve the environment by avoiding animal foods. Positive stuff!
Ah life. It always balances itself out. Last weekend was my delightfully sappy “perfect weekend” post. This weekend it’s filled with frustration and annoyance within our house. Jackson is home and the perfectionist in me wants him to heal perfectly and if it’s not done the correct doctors ordered way I get irritated but I also don’t want to do it all on my own because it’s too much. And M forgot to take all of his meds for the past week practically so his sleeping has been way off along with his mood. So if you think that our relationship is all sunshine and roses don’t forgot that it’s still real life over here. But today is World Laughter Day so we put on some New Girl to laugh away the grumpies.
On the food and weight loss end though we did have a good weekend despite watching some cable at a friend’s house. We don’t have cable and rarely watch live tv. Therefore we don’t get all the commercial bombardment. Ugh it’s so frustrating to see fast food and pop (soda to you weird people 😉) advertised nonstop. And ironically enough the very next commercials are usually some kind of pill promotion. Eat a standard American diet and you will need a mouthful of pills. I wish that farming and produce and yoga had tv commercials. I swear the only ads I see on tv are either pizza, pills, or cars. I only watched tv for an hour but I lost count of how much was being pushed at me and trying to trigger cravings. Luckily I was able to stick to our food plan for the weekend.
M is down a total of 41 pounds! That’s all together from when we first started the Wild Diet. And I bought a size smaller pair of shorts although to be fair they are mostly elastic waist banded but whatever! I’ve made some excellent meals this weekend and bought a lot of great produce. Dish up!
Well time to fess up. I didn’t do a Mary’s Mini Mini this week. I’ve had too much stress and hustle and bustle this week. I know I can’t always blame food choices on business because we all have that in our lives but for me the last thing I want to do after a crazy day is spend a ton of time in the kitchen.
However, I did weigh myself this morning and wasn’t happy with the 2 pound backwards progress. I know that 2 pounds can fluctuate easily for me and I’m by no means freaking out over it but it was a little reminder to be more conscientious of my choices. Yes we are on a modified McDougall plan until June but that should mean working towards full compliancy not giving ourselves free passes (which we have been doing too often lately). For example I’ve had way too much oil popped popcorn the past two weeks but thankfully I am out of popcorn seeds and told M to make sure and not let me buy anymore. I don’t know how to say no to popcorn so why even have it around? We’ve also been eating at the vegan cafe a lot (seriously the food there is so good) but instead of ordering the fruit with our sandwich we’ve had fries. I’ve also noticed my facial hair has been coming in more again so that’s another self-check to tighten up my food choices.
With that being said for breakfast today I had Grape Nuts with a splash of unsweetened cashew milk and raisins, and a handful of blueberries. For lunch I had a Dr. McDougall cup of noodles and hummus with veggies. For supper the pièce de résistance was spaghetti and wheatballs (one of my favorite meals) with a side salad. I also made sure to get my two cups of spearmint tea in today to help the facial hair.
Today was another crazy day. Between work, Jackson’s vet appointment, roofing contractor meetings, and a home visit from our PATH social worker it was a lot. The good news is Jackson is now back home with us and so far his healing is going well. We are forever grateful to all of the amazing doctors, techs, and staff at Casselton Veterinarian Clinic. There’s nothing like the comfort of knowing he’s receiving the best quality care. It took a long time to pick him up because so many people wanted to say goodbye to him. They love him nearly as much as we do. The bad news is I forgot just how much work I’m really in for with his recovery for the next four weeks or so. It consists of a controlled very short walk (distance will double each week), side steps in each direction 10 times, 10 sit to stands (has to be proper sitting not tucking his leg under him which he does a lot so this takes a while to get him to sit correctly), then we come inside for a 10 minute massage, then it’s range of motion exercises, flex and stretch exercises, followed by 10-15 minute icing. We do that whole rigamarole three times a day! I’m already over it after one day. To keep him interested I bought special (read expensive) dog treats that he can eat with his food allergies and of course he won’t eat them!! He thinks I’ve got pills in them, he gives me a very suspicious side glare. I just have to remember to stay positive. Things could be worse and as they say this too shall pass.
I had a wonderful weekend with M. It started by visiting Jackson at the vet’s office on Friday. He’s doing well and in great spirits (as usual). It was good for all three of us to spend some time together and make sure we were doing alright.
Then we went to Buffalo River State Park for an evening walk. We had driven through the area last year and weren’t all that impressed with the camping set up but never really walked around. This time we really got a better feel for the park and fell in love with it. There is a man made natural outdoor pool, a babbling river, forest, prairie, and beautiful scenery. We can’t wait to go back once it gets warmer out for a lake day or for another evening walk (it’s only a 10 minute drive from Fargo).
Saturday was Mitch’s favorite “holiday”. The day/weeekend when everyone puts all their junk on the curb getting ready for cleanup week. So we spent the afternoon first at the city park for a picnic and a nap in the sun (the weather was gorgeous all weekend). Then we went garbage surfing looking for computer scraps for M and any random thing that took my eye.
I ended up finding some great items on our cleanup week hunt. I found six perennial Day Lilly plants, a wooden wagon wheel, two wooden planters, and an old red wheel barrow! I plan to use all for yard decorations. When we came home we spent time outside doing some yard work. I dug up the side of the house to plant the lillies, M dug up a bunch of old steppings stones in the backyard, we did some raking and buildt a pile to make a fire later in the evening.
Later that evening I made some oil-free cauliflower Buffalo wings. They were pretty good but we ran out of the hot sauce and I didn’t have any lemon so I couldn’t make the ranch. Next time I’ll want to make the ranch because they were a bit spicy for me.
We finished the night with a bonfire in the backyard. Sunday morning we decided to go to church since we were both home and haven’t been since Christmas. It was a beautiful service and the message really stuck with me. “Failures are God’s way of changing your path”. This make so much sense for me. Every time I’ve failed at something let it be a relationship, getting pregnant, or a job, I’ve looked back and realized that they were some of the best things that have happened/some of the best things have happened because of those failures. It makes failures seem purposeful and I like that, that God is nudging me in ways that align with his plan.
Then we went out for lunch with the Wounded Warrior Project area group. These events are always free and a great way to connect with other veterans and their families.
After that we did some shopping at Menards for shutters, rock, dirt, and paint to get some more house and yard work done.
These are my favorite weekends at home doing projects and spending quality time together. We’ve had some close friends go through a lot of relationship issues and it makes you reflect on your own and give it attention.
We had a great weekend and now it’s time to pre for the work week. I’m hoping to attempt/complete another Mary’s Mini Mini with potatoes again. I’ll keep you posted on how that goes soon!
I really have no idea how many people read this blog. According to my stats page not very many haha but that’s ok because I write this blog for me. But today I’m hoping that someone who needs to read this post does. Someone that struggles with some of the same issues that M and I struggle with. Someone who needs to know that they aren’t alone. This week is infertility awareness week and while I personally don’t need a week to be “aware” of such issues as I live them everyday, the week is designed for women and families to be reminded that you aren’t alone. And that it’s a topic that you shouldn’t feel embarrassed or ashamed of talking about.
I sadly know too many women/families that struggle with infertility and most of them do for different reasons. Some are like me and have PCOS, some have sperm issues, some are able to get pregnant but end up miscarrying, some don’t ovulate, and the list goes on. But we all have in common the fact that we want to start a family (or in some cases continue a family). We want the joy and struggles of being mommies and daddies.
I’m here to tell you today that everything you feel about that is ok. You are allowed to be angry. You are allowed to be sad. You are allowed to deal with this in your own individual way. I feel like I’ve been everything at one point or another. I’ve beaten myself up over the fact that it’s my fault, because it’s my body that doesn’t work. I’ve felt like a failure. Sometimes I even try to tell myself that I don’t want children just so I don’t have to feel so shitty about it all. I fantasize about being pregnant or rocking my child to sleep or imagine watching M hold his child for the first time. I have also felt jealous and envious of those that are able to have what I can’t. And then I feel guilty for feeling like that. But all of these feelings are normal and you shouldn’t feel bad for feeling this way.
But while it is perfectly normal to have all those feelings for me I learned that they are often too negative. I know for some trying to stay positive is like asking a fish not to swim. I’m not here to lecture you to stop being upset by the hand that you’ve been given. I’m just here to share my own story in hopes that you don’t feel so alone and however you chose to deal with your infertility is your own business.
For me personally, staying positive and hopeful is the only way I can make it through. I try to find the silver lining even if sometimes it’s a really really small one. The good things that have happened because of my infertility is the acknowledgment that I picked an amazing husband. One who is willing to do whatever it takes to give us what we want. If that means giving up meat, dairy, eggs, and processed food he’ll do it. If that means spending a ton of money on medicine and doctors appointments he’ll work overtime. If that means rubbing my back when I’m in bed crying over my feelings of uselessness he will. If that means going through a mountain of paper work and training to have a part time foster child he will. If that means one day adopting a child he will. He’s amazing and as I’m writing this out right now I feel like I don’t give him all the credit that he deserves. I guess sometimes it’s easy to make this about me but I just realized it’s about him too so here’s a shout out to all the daddies that aren’t yet daddies and for all you do to help ease the pain. Another silver lining that has come from infertility is what it has done for my own health and wellness. I’ve made it my mission to create a healthy body (yes, it’s still a big work in progress) and even more importantly healthy habits to pass down. Infertility brought me to writing this blog which I love doing. I’ve always loved reading and writing and this finally gave me an avenue in which to do it. I try my best to stay focused on these positive things because there’s not much I can do about the PCOS. I’m currently do everything in my power that I can and if that fails then I’ll go back to medications and medical procedures and if that fails then we will talk about adoption. Because despite it all I am hopeful and dare I say even confident that we will have a family one day. It may not be when or how I ever imagined it, it may include setbacks and rough patches but I feel in my heart it will happen one way or another.
I’m not sure what’s going on with me this week. I’ve been feeling off emotionally and food wise. Easter weekend went great in terms of eating our mostly oil free whole foods and the in-laws enjoyed it well enough. It’s a huge adjustment to their normal meal but they tried and we so appreciate that.
Since leaving the cabin to come back home from Easter my food choices have been super out of whack. I hate long trips because I have to snack and at the gas station I ended up getting chips and Swedish Fish (I told myself as an Easter treat). Then when we got home we had take out of fried cauliflower gobi manchurian over rice. I had Monday off from school and thought I would be ready to start back at better choices but for whatever reason it has been a big struggle for me this week. I haven’t wanted to cook or bother to make good choices for myself. I’ve also been moody and off emotionally and I feel like there’s no reason for it. Everything in my life is going well and the weathers been nice and there is nothing I can rightfully blame this funk on. I’ve been eating oil popped popcorn all week and I even had Burger King French toast sticks and hash browns with orange juice. The only thing I can think of that may be going on with me is worrying about Jackson. He had his second knee surgery this week and I’ve been stressed about him and the cost of this surgery. He had surgery on Wednesday and the doctors say he did well so I should be happy about that.
Also my mom is coming to visit this weekend which I’m excited for so I’m hoping it was just an off week and that next week when I’m by myself (Jackson will still be at the vet’s and M will be in Colorado) I will get it together.
I did do some cooking like making the cheeze sauce (this time with white beans not cashews), chick pea nuggets, banana with raisins bread, and Mexican rice bowls. However I don’t feel like it did a good enough job of counteracting the sh#t I ate.
Here’s to hoping this negative mood leaves as quick as it came on!