I had such a wonderful comment on a blog post the other day and it has really stuck with me. The waiting time of when you first wanted to get pregnant to the moment you actually do get pregnant is a wait time. You are waiting for it to happen. For some it is extremely short and for others it seems endlessly long. But no matter how much time passes between those moments it is a waiting game. And the question is how will you use that waiting period? How will you prepare and fill your time until the thing you want to happen, happens. And this can be true for many things in life. The wait time from the moment you decide you are ready to be in a relationship to the moment you are in one. The wait time between deciding you are ready to get married and the moment you get engaged. The moment when you decide what career you want and the time it takes to get to your dream position. The moment your relationship ends until the moment a new one begins. The moment you save that first dollar for a car or house until the moment you have enough money for the purchase. The moment you decide to adopt to the moment you first hold your child. All of these life events and more have a waiting period. How will you use that waiting time? Will you embrace it? Will you do something positive with it? Will you wait wisely?
I remember when M and I broke up for a period of about eight months. I remember being so focused on fixing things between us and getting back together that I didn’t use my wait time wisely. For many of us there are so few moments in life when you are on your own doing what you want whenever you want to do it. I wish that I had focused more on myself and done things that I wanted to do solely because I wanted to do it. Spent money on myself however I wanted without being held accountable to a partner, up and left on a trip with no responsibilities to tend to, and heck something as simple as eating at whichever restaurant I wanted to. That lesson of waiting wisely now has always stayed with me. Because one day the wait will be over and then you are left sometimes wishing you had used that time more wisely.
We have a few things we’ve focused on as we wait. Health and wellness have been a big focus for us. We want our children to grow into healthy happy people and the biggest way we think to do that is through example. We also want to travel and spend as much time with family and friends as possible because one day it won’t be as easy to just jump in the car and go. The kids won’t be able to stay in their car seat very long without screaming and crying and soccer schedules and bible camp will all get in the way. We also try to spend quality time together just the two of us playing cards and board games, walking to the brewery, driving to state parks in the evening, and taking weekend naps with pets. One day we will be too tired and too busy to do it often.
It may seem like that moment you’re waiting for will never come but if you want it bad enough it will. I’m so looking forward to that moment in the future where M and I look at each other and say, “remember when we didn’t have kids?…yeah what was that like?” And until we get there I’m going to enjoy the here and now.
Thankfully my period came today so I can once and for all confirm that I’m not pregnant. I had a stern talking to him (I think it’s funny to call my period a him) and told him I wouldn’t put up with that crap anymore and that I was very worried why he was 12 days later than I had expected and that basically next time it was come on time or don’t come at all! He seemed to be red with shame.
You would think that now I’d be able to move forward and get on like business as usual but that was not the case today. Today I learned of my next door neighbor’s son’s passing away. He was in his mid forties and died suddenly from some virus that sent him into sepsis which he was unable to recover from. The scene next door has been hard to ignore since we’ve had such nice weather we’ve been keeping the house open for a nice cool breeze. Their house has been full with his family gathering to mourn his sudden loss. To witness such heartache right next door is like a reality show gone wrong. Their grief is powerful and contagious in the sense that you never know what happens in life and that every moment is truly precious. It reminds me of when my sister and her family were in a head on collision with a semi on their way back home from M and I’s wedding. They all managed to escape with little to no injury but at times like these I often think back to how it could have ended so much more tragically and how thankful I am. Try not to forget to be thankful and grateful for every moment with loved ones.
With Mr. Period curled up inside me making himself nice and comfy in my uterus and with the sadness next door on top of my frustration of how my day went (computer issues…don’t get me started!) I didn’t want to go to the grocery store to get the supplies I needed for the supper I had planned. Instead I wanted my favorite meal from the vegan restaurant with a side of heaping french fries. The only reason I was able to talk myself out of that idea was to tell myself, “why would you spend money on food when you have a freezer full of heat and eat meals, sorry can’t validate your wants today.” I’m mad at myself about it haha but actually very thankful that I will stay on track with another day of oil-free under my belt! Four days in and feeling good about that.
M is on his way home and we will have our favorite mac and cheeze for supper before heading out to “the pits” which is some kind of water hole area that M goes diving in. We are going to take the new truck and enjoy the gorgeous weather and outside time together. I’m sure that is just the pick-me-up that I need.
Women who are trying to conceive have you ever experienced IPS? It’s the freakin worst. IPS is imaginary pregnancy symptoms. My brain knows full well that I currently don’t ovulate as far as I know and that the chance of me being pregnant is extremely slim. But it doesn’t stop your body from tricking you into thinking maybe just maybe this time you might be. This time it was less “symptoms” I experienced and more signs. I’ve been having a lot of pregnancy dreams. Dreams about me being pregnant and friends being pregnant so I was waking up already thinking about pregnancy for a few days. When I took a walk and saw a church sign saying “summer blessings” a baby was the first thing that popped up. When driving on the road I had never seen so many pregnancy billboards. Donating blood one of the questions asks if you are pregnant. The signs start to build and I think well what does this mean maybe I am!? And once that seed of a chance takes root it grows fast. The other thing that makes me think maybe just maybe I am is because I was hoping to have a period around now and it hasn’t come. If you know about PCOS you know that a common symptom is irregular periods. However since going plant based the length between my periods has been getting progressively shorter. But of course now it’s taking longer than I had hoped which just fueled my wishful thinking. It all came to a head the other day when I got a call from the blood bank. My heart beat ratcheted up because why would they be calling? Was there something in my blood they had tested that wouldn’t allow them to keep it? Did they find out I was pregnant or something and were calling to tell me?? But alas no they were just calling to thank me. All that build up of signs and symptoms burst right then and I came back to reality. It made me very sad for a moment. The frustrating thing about it all is that while we want a baby at any point I’m actually more focused on weight loss and my own healthy body before pursuing conception/adoption relentlessly. I just got myself all worked up even though I knew damn well what is what.
But this surge of hope has renewed my determination to eat whole foods plant based no oil. I’m also tracking my food right now to see where I’ve been making mistakes like too much avocado and nuts and beans all in the same day. Not working right now has really helped me up my WFPB game. I’ve batched cooked so many sauces, wheatballs, and taco “meat” that I feel ready for busy days when they happen.
I’ve had a few days to decompress. I feel like I’ve actually had a moment to see summer. The crickets have just started chirping at night (which is my second favorite sound in the whole world) and the sunsets seem softer. I feel late summer approaching.
I’ve been able to get in some quality time with friends and catch back up on their lives. We also got our second vehicle now so I will no longer have to drive back and forth across town anymore. Although I will miss the moments to and from work with M that were just ours.
I’ve had time to not feel so far behind on household chores. Our evenings went from crazy busy every night to wide open for the most part during the week so that is a huge help as well. Now I can start to tackle my big list like painting the hallway, our bedroom, and the patio chairs plus a whole lot of outdoor projects and indoor organization.
So in that aspect I’m happy to say that life is slowly down a tad. In terms of reproductive efforts I continue to be amazed at how kind and supportive people in my life are including strangers! At the dollar store the other night I bought 10 boxes of ovulation tests and 3 pregnancy tests because hello they are only a dollar apiece! The cashier was this incredibly sweet woman who said something along the lines of “honey I hope it’s this month and you can come back to see me instead of coming back to buy more tests.” I have told her that that’s a deal! Haha but even the woman behind me in line was saying nice things too. The moment was sweet, humorous, and humbling. I hope that if and when I ever am pregnant she still works there so I can go back and thank her for her positivity.
This weekend was a great weekend to celebrate Paige and the fact that she is two already! I love that she laughs at all my jokes and agrees with everything I say.
Today was my first Monday off work now that summer camp is over. Although I’m more than happy to stay home with the animals I really miss my coworkers/friends and our fun we had together. I may have to call them up for an impromptu game of Magic one night!
Today is also Wink and Snickers’ first birthday! No more kitten food or kitten collars for them! As soon as M gets home from dive team we will celebrate. And why you ask are we celebrating our cats’ birthday? Because life is worth celebrating both big and small moments.
Last week was busy but great! I was thrilled to find out that Dr. Barnard was coming to Fargo to give a plant based lecture and do a book signing at Barnes and Nobles one night and another integrated lecture for the new food co-op opening at the Fargo Theater the next night. We attended both and I had many fangirl moments as if he were some kind of famous actor! M thought I was hilariously ridiculous but that’s just how much I love these doctors that have helped change our lives. He was totally inspiring to listen to while being funny, gracious, and empowering all at once. I’m so thankful M bought me a physical copy of The Cheese Trap so that I could meet Dr. Barnard and get my copy signed! In recognition of Dr. Barnards work especially in his devotion to riding the world of fat and salt and hormone filled diary cheese, we made some wonderful WFPB cheese meals. It also just happened to be national mac and cheese day so we had to participate in this delicious day just in a new and healthy way.
I felt supremely special because he had signed all the others that I had seen with, “best wishes” and mine says “with very best wishes”….he likes me best 😉
I just bought this adorable cook book at Target for $5 and have finally started the process of writing down recipes from all of my hundreds of Facebook saves.
Whole foods plant based macaroni and cheeze sauce with so steamed asparagus for a pop of bright color and flavor and panko for crunch.
Whole foods plant based spinach and artichoke dip! This was a very yummy version and we had to stop ourselves from eating it all in one sitting.
I only have one week left of work for the summer before a couple week break before school starts up again. I can’t wait to have more time. I want to get more things done around the house and cook and meal plan a whole bunch more. I really love having things in the freezer ready for reheating because cooking on weeknights isn’t always realistic for me. Writing down all these recipes will be nice finally too so that I have an easy go to without making sure my phone is charged up and then unlocking it a million times during the cooking process or restarting the page. Electronics are great for recipe finders but cooking recipes from your phone has been a real pain. I’ve also donated all my old SAD cooking books and now the only thing you’ll find in my cupboards are vegan or whole food plant based ones.
I hope summer is treating you all well and that you find some time for yourselves as well!
We’ve eaten so much scrumptious food since going plant based. Sometimes it does include vegan junk food, but majority of the time it is plant based with some (or a lot depending on the day) oil. Each of these pictures has a story that goes with it but as time continuously marches on I can’t give them each their due justice so I will have to settle for parade of just the pictures. As always I just want to add that we honestly don’t miss meat, cheese, milk, eggs, or butter. We do miss the convenience of living in a world where our main food lifestyle is shared with the masses. Going to restaurants, family functions, and even grocery stores is a constant battle of being prepared in advance so that we know we’ll have food we can eat. We miss going to any restaurant in any city and sitting down to look at the menu and then deciding what to eat instead of calling ahead or looking at their website to see if they can even accommodate our choices. We will always miss that convenience but we don’t miss the food because the food we eat now is just as tasty! To prove that point scroll down for the pictures. 🙂
I love summer. I love the thick green landscape, the shade provided by a big leafy cottonwood tree, the sound of the leaves blowing on a warm summer day, the glorious sunsets over a calm Minnesota lake, the warmer tones of my skin, the easy wardrobe of shorts and tank tops and flip flops, the long daylight hours, and patio suppers we have. But have you noticed how hard it is to truly appreciate these things when you are in the middle of your summer schedule? There’s one thing after another to do and be done and that’s all on top of day to day living like cooking, cleaning, paying bills, and grocery shopping. I forced myself to carve out some time to write a blog post because I fear it will be the only one I have time for in July. Summer is not for the faint of heart! You are so busy making the most of your summer and the precious few months you get of it that it passes by in such a quick blur you have no time to stop and appreciate why you love it so much in the first place. And that’s why I say thank goodness for winter because as cold and dark as it can get it gives you the opportunity to remember and reflect on those summer memories that happened too fast.