It’s been raining a lot lately which is fine by me because it matches my mood. This month has not gone at all how it was planned to go. There has been a lot of heartache, loss, and frustration. To be honest all of that has made me not give a damn about my food/exercise choices. But this past weekend I was reminded how things in the world aren’t all bad. I took a long walk with my sister in the evening listening to my favorite sound the sound of frogs croaking in the pond. The exercise and the nature and the soothing glow of the stars was a balm for my heavy heart.
Then my moms dog Archie (which feels like he’s partly mine) escaped the back yard and went missing. I stayed up all night walking the neighborhood or driving around, whistling and calling his name, and sitting in a chair out in the driveway all night waiting to see if he would come home. Until I finally gave up when the rain and lightning came rolling in and I switched over from vigilance to prayer. I said that I had had enough of the bad things this month and I really needed this situation to end well. I woke up early the next morning and looked for him again with no such luck. I started trying to use the Internet and social media to my advantage in his search. I had just finished filling out a long missing dog profile and was waiting for it to be approved when I said another prayer and tried refreshing the page. When the page updated I saw a picture of Archie but it wasn’t the picture that I had posted. It was a picture the family that found him had posted under found dogs! It turns out he was safe with another family only 5 houses down from my sisters.
I’m exhausted…mostly mentally. Yesterday though definetly physically after being up all night and the drive home clutching the wheel tight because of the insane wind and rains I had to compete with. I came home and took a nap. A nap! I never ever nap. And today my body feels more well rested but it’s a slower process on the emotional side. But I have a feeling that taking some healthy living steps might help with that especially the late evening walks.
So today I will strap on that old Fitbit, I will get my steps in and feel successful in that goal, and give myself some me time in the form of a walk with my favorite music. I will give my stinky skunky dog another bath so that he can cuddle with me tonight. I will plan a camping trip for next month so we can escape and relax in nature. I will remind myself that everything’s a process. A process to grieve, a process to understand, a process to health and healing. I have to remind myself not to quit because that only makes it slower. I need to think about my food and fitness choices, surrender myself to the knowledge that I can’t control everything, and sometimes all I can do is pray.