Backwards Slide

Ughhh! Or perhaps its more of an arrrgghh! All I know is that I was tested and I failed. Miserably. Ok let’s back up here and talk about what went down. So my last post was all about coming up on our two week full McDougall and mostly maximum weight loss McDougall to boot. We were feeling good, losing weight, and had very few cravings. We were on track and on target and I felt no desire to veer off path. I even had intentions of staying if not mwl then at least regular McDougall on my upcoming family meet up in Minneapolis.

The day after our two week mark I got horribly ill. It was probably one of the worst colds I’ve ever had. But my temperature took a beautiful steep jump up on OvuSense! We had our bases covered so I was really hoping that despite all the sickness this was our month, especially because my temp had never jumped that high before. The first night I was sick M cooked McDougall at home for us. It wasn’t mwl but it was still whole food plant based. The next day I was so unbelievably miserable but I did’t want to take any cold medicine in case it interfered with my ovulation which I thought was happening right then. My head was so congested that my eyeballs hurt and would water with a throbbing face all over. In a desperate attempt to try natural remedies including nasal rinsing, hot water cloths on my face, and a steam shower I decided we could break McDougall to order some of the super spicy Thai food (vegan) to try and get some movement in my nasal passages. M brought it home and unfortunately it didn’t help much at all just made my lips burn. For supper he was hungry and had been busy and we were now out of groceries. At that point I didn’t care about anything so I said pick something up from a restaurant or get a veggie sandwich from Panera I don’t care. That same attitude carried over to Sunday. “Get what you want, I’m too sick to care.” That day my temp soared even higher and I thought well it’s either a fever or I’m pregnant. I decided I had to take medicine as I couldn’t even sleep at night. Thankfully the medicine helped give me enough relief to sleep a couple of hours at a time. The next day my temp plummeted but it was still above my cover line and OvuSense confirmed ovulation! I was thinking it was possibly an implantation dip. I was still thinking this was all good news. The next night I was able to sleep almost the whole night comfortably. The next morning my temperature took another major fall and then I knew that those spikes were not from pregnancy or ovulation. Even though I didn’t have a basal body fever my core temp had risen to help fight off the cold. This was frustrating and sad for me and I honestly didn’t care what we ate for food. I was still unwell enough to not want to leave the house for a big grocery shopping run and M was too busy with work so it was more take out orders.

Well wouldn’t you know that my temperature rose a little bit the next day. I didn’t think too much of it as I was more worried about getting OvuSense support to delete the false ovulation from when I was sick so that it could still pick up ovulation for cycle 5. I ended up starting a new cycle even though I didn’t’ have my period but I wanted to make sure I could get an ovulation confirmation that wasn’t a false positive. The next day my temp rose again and now I realized that I had just ovulated the day before! So we missed all those fertile days because I was sick. I was so upset. Now I was feeling better physically but let my emotions dictate what we put in our mouths. Popcorn for snack every night…who cares? I don’t want to grocery shop or cook, fine by me. I was having a a pretty big pity party for myself. Ovulation then was predicted in cycle 6 but at this point support was able to move some things back to cycle 5 and delete cycle 6. I ended up losing a large chunk of data points so it was basically a hacked out cycle.

I did still have all my temps logged into Fertility Friend. Even after discarding my “fever” temps on Fertility Friend it still kept saying I ovulated before those spikes. Well that was exciting maybe I did ovulate just before getting sick!? Realistically I knew that there was a very slim chance it was correct but, as I had missed all chances of catching the egg if I ovulated now, I wanted to believe, no matter how small a chance, that the dip really was implantation. Then my body gave me even more pregnancy clues. My nipples became very tender. This has happened before a week or so before my period but it maybe only happens once a year. It is not a typical pms for me. Holy buckets maybe I actually am pregnant! Once again I was incapable of concentrating on anything at all. Every moment was spent obsessing over temps and trying to decide if these clues meant anything important. I peed on a pregnancy test every morning squinting and turning and digging through the trash after old ones past the time limit to see if anything appeared later. It was full on ttc crazy mode.

Nasty trickery of my body, can you see why I convinced myself it was implantation?

Last Friday I was starting to realize if I had ovulated when Fertility Friend guessed I had that I would have tested at the very least a faint positive by now. I had ovulated the day after I was sick I was sure now.

I was able to go enjoy a mother daughters weekend in Minneapolis. This morning I woke up to aunt flow. It’s over now. I have made peace with the craziness of cycle 5 and let it all go. I’m sad that between the sickness, the screwy temps, and M being very busy at work all got between us and a healthy diet that we had worked so hard on. Now we have to start back at square one and avoiding those first couple days of cravings for junk. But we both want to get back to where we had been so we are feeling capable and willing. I bought some groceries last night and I’m cleaning out the refrigerator and prepping the house for fresh food. A clean house and clean food just make the body and mind feel fresh and ready don’t you think?

The silver lining you ask? Ovasitol and the mwl diet cut my ovulation time in HALF this cycle! I wonder what we will get with this cycle? I think I should have some back up plans ready for when I start to spiral and obsess on what my body is doing. I will think on that and get back to you and write it all down so we can hold me accountable. πŸ™‚ I also had a couple drinks with my mom and sisters this past weekend because I knew at that point my period was coming any day so that was another silver lining.

*TRIGGER SECTION BELOW*

I also want to take the opportunity to wish everyone a happy mother’s day. Especially those mothers of children that are no longer with us. What a sorrow filled journey you must be on at times. You should be honored too for having the hardest mother job of all. We see you, appreciate you, and think of you on this special day as well.

Here are some pictures that show what’s been going on since I wrote last. Enjoy and I’ll update you again very soon!

The meal M made for me when I was sick that first night. It was delicious!

We fostered this amazing sweetheart puppy for a weekend. Yes it’s possible to fall in love after only a couple of days. I cried so hard bringing her back. Due to a few reasons we are not able to foster this baby girl long term so if you live in MN or a surrounding area go adopt her! πŸ™‚ She was also a good distraction from my ttc drama and I thank her for that.

I told M I loved this caution cone Snapchat filter because it perfectly matched my mood of, “back away from me, I’m busy being a hot emotional mess.” πŸ˜‚πŸ‘ŒπŸΌ

I had a great time hanging out with my momma this weekend, lots of laughs, shopping, and fun.We took a dinner cruise ride around lake Minnetonka as part of our Mother’s Day weekend. It was fun if only the weather had been a little warmer πŸ™‚Β 

All our lives people have mistaken me for my younger sister and vice versa but I just don’t see it….

My family wanted to have Mother’s Day brunch at Country Kitchen and surprisingly I was able to piece together a tasty meal for myself as well!Β 

The sunset from the boat: perfect.

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