Where Was God?

I’m typically the type of person who doesn’t go around broadcasting their faith. I feel like too many times religion is “stuffed down people’s throat” and usually it’s the throat of those not wanting to hear about it. It can come off sounding preachy or self-righteous. It can create an uncomfortable situation. Terrible things have been done and continue to be done in the name of some religion or another. It’s such an uncomfortable topic that I tend to stay away from it as much as possible. The times I’ve wanted to talk about it I just never knew how it was going to be received. And the last thing I’d want if I were to bring it up is to start an argument about religious semantics and who’s right and who’s wrong. For one thing my beliefs are fluid. I believe in “life” after death and I believe in good and in some kind of energy that moves us all. I use the term God but do I necessarily believe that God is a man like thing with a big beard and a halo? No. I use God as a general term for something I can’t quite describe or pin down but still very much feel. For another I don’t want to be judged or ridiculed. So you won’t see me posting much Godly things on Facebook or hear about it in general conversation with me. But hell this is my blog after all and besides perfect strangers who may come to wander across this blog it’s mostly comprised of a few close friends and family that I personally invited to share this with and even then I’m not sure how many people actually read it. So today I will decide to share a bit about my faith because it honestly makes up a large portion of who I am.

I was technically raised Catholic even though my family had stopped going to church (even holiday church) by the time I was in 5th grade. 10th grade is when you were to start preparing for your confirmation and I knew that Catholicism wasn’t right for me at least at that point in my life anyway. I felt that there was too much exclusion and judgment for me to pledge to confirm my faith to that religion. After that I went about my life not really thinking about religion or faith. The summer of 2011 after my parents’ divorce and M and I broke up I needed something to get me through that time. I had so many questions of why. I think it is through hardships and loss that some people finally connect with their faith and God and that’s how it was for me over the following 5 years.

Sometimes it’s easy to feel weighed down by life’s challenges. What has made me get out of those ruts is usually someone talking about their love and faith and how it helped them. Today, I was reminded how much I trust in the good when I watched a documentary on Netflix called, Where Was God?. It was about the tornado that ripped the town of Moore, OK apart in 2013 and the loss that families had suffered. And how despite their terrible losses they had overcome them through faith and God and love. And after watching it I just felt the deep need to finally say something. To say yes I believe (not always sure in what exactly that means or is) but I believe. I just wanted you to know that, it’s a big part of me and therefore deserved a mention on this blog I thought.